Why the Ned Fulmer/Try Guys Situation Matters to Some of Us

October 17, 2022

It's been a few weeks now since the biggest story on the internet broke, and a group of guys that has never had any drama or controversy surrounding them whatsoever was suddenly in the limelight for reasons none of us ever would have expected: one of their four members (Ned Fulmer) was caught cheating on his wife with one of their producers, causing the other three members (Keith Habersberger, Eugene Lee Yang, and Zach Kornfeld) to part ways with him. By now, there's even been an SNL skit about it, if that's any indication of how this story blew up. It's been quite a trip for a channel that has always prided itself (and rightfully so) on being unproblematic.

(I haven't seen the SNL skit, so I won't talk about that, but from what I've heard, the overall message of the skit is that inappropriate workplace relationships between a boss and his employee aren't a big deal and should just be swept under the rug by the company, which is a whole other can of worms and a message that pissed off a large percentage of those who did watch it.)

I'm sure it sounds silly to many of you -- in fact, from the day we heard about it, the internet has been full of people lambasting the rest of us for caring about anything a YouTube personality does -- but ever since the news dropped, I can't stop thinking about it. I began writing this a couple of weeks ago and have taken the time to put my thoughts and feelings together in a cohesive way before releasing it to the internet. I'm not interested in cashing in on the scandal for clout, money, or whatever else the online gossip vultures are getting out of talking about it since it became the topic of the week, but I do want to express my thoughts and explain why I think this is so much deeper than just a random internet dude cheating on his spouse.

I've been watching The Try Guys for many years, pretty much since their inception eight years ago. Around that time, I was actually watching Buzzfeed regularly, though they and Quinta Brunson are the only people from that channel that I still follow. Years later, during the pandemic, they became a comfort channel for me. I even introduced a few of my friends to them because their videos were truly helping me through a very stressful time, serving as a comforting and wholesome place I could go when I needed a laugh or to escape from the hellscape outside.

But for those who aren't as familiar with them or have never heard of them at all, here's a brief history.

The group more or less came together by accident, when all four men worked for Buzzfeed, and that channel began making videos that focused on people experiencing different lifestyles, trends or products for the first time, almost a 'walk in someone else's shoes' concept. The first video, titled "Guys Try on Ladies' Underwear For the First Time" was uploaded on September 12, 2014. After it was clear this format would be successful, Buzzfeed dubbed the four of them with the group moniker they still use today, and the brand grew from there.

Working together so closely, the four, in their own words, became best friends; and after a few years ended up mutually agreeing to leave and create their own company together, even fighting Buzzfeed for the right to continue using the name. They named their new company Second Try, LLC, but the four of them remained The Try Guys, and they continued to produce videos throughout all of the stages of their lives, including the birth of Ned's children, Eugene's coming out, Keith's wedding, and Zach's engagement and wedding planning. We were introduced, slowly, to their significant others, friends and families, and other Second Try staff members. The company became A Big Thing, and their success continued to skyrocket as they created and produced several different series within their own channel, such as Without a Recipe, Without Instructions, 4 vs. 1, Rank King, and Eat the Menu, with the production value constantly increasing thanks to both the guys and their incredibly talented staff. This all led to a tour, a book, a movie documentary, multiple podcasts starring them and other members of the "Try Family," an actual Food Network TV show, and more. Currently, they have 8-million subscribers and almost 500 videos on their channel alone, not to mention all the videos still on Buzzfeed's channel, where there's a playlist of an additional 121 videos. All very impressive feats.

Throughout most of this, Ned has been known as the "wife guy" due to his constant mentioning of his wife Ariel in videos. The thing he's best known for is being obsessed with his wife, and in more recent years, their two sons (currently ages 4 and almost-2), and just generally being a family man. So of course it was disappointing to find out he'd cheated on Ariel with one of his own employees, an engaged producer named Alexandria Herring who had been with Second Try for several years and even worked and interacted directly with Ned's wife on multiple videos as well as being a part of the general friend group that includes all of the Try Guys, their significant others, and their employees.

Of course now the internet is full of psychics who 'saw this coming' and 'never trusted him' and 'knew his happy marriage was just a front.' But most of us, in all honesty, have been shocked by this. Especially at the absolute pinnacle of their career, when everything was going so well. For him to destroy everything right now is... almost a cliche. Keith even mentioned on their podcast episode discussing the drama how he had specifically felt like everything was going so perfectly days before finding out about this. At the height of their success, Ned's actions could have potentially ruined it all.

So first let's talk about the actual relationship and the way this news has affected people's opinion of it.

Ned was always my least-favorite of the four Try Guys, but I still had a certain respect for him and there are aspects of his personality and character that I truly appreciated. And while I want to make it clear I'm not defending him in light of his recent actions, here's the thing: I still believe that Ned's love for his wife was real. There are many people now saying that he 'used' Ariel to build an image and brand, and that he never actually loved her the way he claimed to. I completely disagree with that. I don't think he was ever lying, nor do I think his repeated mentioning of her in videos was a gimmick or even intentional -- at least at first. Obviously, when you become known for something, you continue to play that thing up after the fact, as well as exaggerating certain parts of your personality on-camera. It doesn't mean you're fake, but simply making more entertaining content.

In early videos, I think the reason Ned mentioned his wife so frequently was because she was actually a huge part of his life, to the point that he included her in everything he did and every topic of conversation. This is actually pretty normal during the honeymoon period of a relationship, and I totally believe that the honeymoon period for Ned and Ariel just lasted a lot longer than most. After a while, people began to notice that he mentioned her so frequently and started commenting on it, and it became an inside joke, therefore building the reputation he later had. And after Ariel entered the public eye herself, many fans agreed that they could see why he was obsessed with her: she was awesome! In a previous video where the guys took lie detector tests, Ned admitted that some of it might be just for show, the way it's natural for people to post only their best photos on Instagram; and additionally, Ned and Ariel both seemed to be so into the idea of romance in general and of having a happy family that I'm sure some of that desire for the perfect relationship was projected onto their real-life relationship in a way that might have made it less "realistic" than, say, Keith and Becky's marriage, as Keith described it in the second polygraph video.

In spite of this, though, I do think it's unfair to call their relationship fake or say their love wasn't real. The two of them really seemed to be on the same page, and I still fully believe they both were obsessed with each other and very much in love for many years. Perhaps somewhere along the way, this changed; I can't speak for them. But I do think they were very compatible and both truly loved the idea of being a traditional family unit (although they did try not to conform to traditional gender roles) and making each other and their children central to everything in their lives, and not just for the cameras. It was clear to me that they both really enjoyed their lifestyle and their love.

And to be honest, when it comes to the infidelity, this, to me, is actually far worse than if he'd just been lying this whole time. To love someone that deeply, to have that sought-after relationship dynamic where both partners are equally in love and equally obsessed with each other, and then for it to end this way... it really leaves no hope for the rest of us. It makes it even harder for women to trust men and/or romantic partners or relationships in general. Because even when things start out perfect, even when they stay perfect several years into the relationship, they still wind up going downhill eventually. That happened to me in one marriage already, and now seeing it happen to Ariel in this way, as well as so many people I know personally, it basically destroys any amount of faith in relationships that I've been able to hold onto up to this point.

Maybe at some point in the last couple of years, Ned and Ariel stopped being as happy as they'd once been. Again, I'm not saying this is what happened, just that it could be a possibility. After all, having two children under the age of 4 would put a strain on anybody's relationship, and it certainly isn't unheard of for a couple's sex life or romantic life to suffer when babies start to arrive. And at that point, after having made such a big deal of their relationship for so long, it would have been incredibly embarrassing to publicly admit that. I mean, this couple released a cookbook together called Date Night Cookbook and even spoke at a seminar about how to have a healthy relationship; so obviously it wouldn't have been easy for them to speak up about it if their honeymoon phase finally came to an end after so many years. Whatever happened is honestly none of my business, and if Ariel chooses to stay with him after his infidelity, that's also none of my business. I'm glad the internet has come out in full force to offer Ariel the emotional support she needs, but I hope it lasts even if she chooses to stay married to him. I'm already seeing many comments suggesting that people will be disappointed if she does, but as their relationship has nothing to do with us, I think we should keep our opinions to ourselves about what she "should" do -- and if her actions end up not matching our opinions, we should still support her. She has two children as well as herself to think of, and the decision is entirely hers.

There are not many people defending Ned's affair, but of the few people who are, the one comment I've seen a lot of is, "Monogamy isn't natural anyway." Even if I fully agreed with this -- and I do think there are plenty of people out there to whom monogamy doesn't come naturally, so at this point I would say I partially agree -- I hate that people are using it to defend infidelity. These comments aren't coming from actual polyamorous people. Poly people generally understand the boundaries of a relationship and the importance of communication, and that if you agree to monogamy, it doesn't matter if it's 'natural' or not. It's the betrayal of trust and going back on your word that matters. Saying monogamy isn't natural and therefore "infidelity isn't that big a deal" is just a way for cheaters to excuse other cheaters. Non-monogamy and having more than one partner is completely fine and no one is saying it isn't. This is about lying, cheating, and betraying someone's trust, which is possible in any relationship (yes, including poly ones) so that is not a reason to excuse someone's betrayal of their partner.

I don't know for sure what the deal is in Ned and Ariel's marriage, and it isn't really my place to try and speculate, although in this case it seems pretty clear that this was a case of infidelity, not consensual polyamory. What I will say is that even if there was a non-traditional relationship agreement, such as poly or an open marriage, if they weren't public about it then Ned was stupid to be caught so publicly with another partner knowing how recognizable he is and that it would not only affect the perception of his marriage but of the company the other three guys put so much into. And if their marriage was still functioning as monogamous (which makes the most sense considering he described his cheating as "losing focus" in his public statement), then what he did (especially because it was with somebody on his payroll) was obviously a huge breech of trust and a betrayal of several different people, including but not limited to his wife.

So to the few people defending his actions by saying that monogamy is unnatural: nah, and you're terrible people. I wholly support and am open to polyamorous relationships, but when you agree to be faithful to only one partner -- and even make a big deal about how other people shouldn't write thirsty comments about you because you're married -- and then get caught sneaking around and cheating, that makes you scummy and a huge disappointment to everyone around you.

Out of respect for Ariel, I already feel like I've said too much and speculated too much, and will stop there. But let's also discuss Ned's close relationships with Keith, Eugene, and Zach. Although his wife is obviously the main victim when it comes to his infidelity, he also put the entire company at stake by having an affair with one of their own staff members, potentially sabotaging everything the other three guys had worked so hard for over the past 8 years in one fell swoop. The guys had no choice but to remove him from the company after finding out, but viewing this as such a large betrayal of their friendship likely means they'll be cutting him out of their lives entirely. At the very least, we'll never see him in a video again. And while this was definitely the right choice, it's okay to be saddened by the loss and the end of an era. Even Zach pointed this out in the podcast episode, and his brief statement on it was cut down to a YouTube short -- a great clip to watch if you don't have time to watch that whole podcast episode. There are actual human beings at the center of this drama, who've been irrevocably affected by it, and it's okay to care about them even if you've never met them. I, for one, feel bad for the guys having to endure this level of drama that they clearly never asked for and never wanted to be a part of.

I have Try Guys binges semi-regularly when I'm going through a hard time, need a laugh, or have just run out of other things I'm interested in seeing. Strangely enough, I began one of these binges the night before I found out about this, even introducing one of my newer friends to the channel. After I heard, I continued watching old videos, I think in an attempt to prevent my brain from negatively associating the old videos with the scandal and ruining them for myself. There are some people who say they can't rewatch the old videos at all now, and those feelings are valid, but it's okay if you still enjoy them as well.

And in rewatching these videos, I realize that I am very much going to miss the friendship the four of them had. I will miss Ned in videos, not because of my love for him as a person or performer, but because of the interactions between all four men. Their friendship was so pure. But just like I don't believe the recent bombshell invalidates Ned's prior relationship with Ariel, I also don't believe it invalidates the wholesome friendship, values and qualities displayed in his interaction with his three friends, even though it is a sad realization that this is something that can never be again.

There are a lot of people who are understandably angry, and are looking to drag Ned in any way they can, including digging up every clip from the past where he might have said or done something that could be considered suspicious to prove that he's been a liar and a terrible person this whole time. While, again, I'm not defending him, this does seem a little unfair to me. We should absolutely be calling him out for the terrible thing we just found out about, but I still don't think it invalidates every good thing he ever did, every time he offered emotional support to a friend during a competition, vocally spoke out about racism, stood up for the LGBTQ+ community, etc. which seemed to be something he was legitimately passionate about.

There's a video the guys did for Glamour called The Try Guys Take a Friendship Test that shows how sweet and genuine the love between these friends was. Ned and Zach specifically are paired in the test, which includes staring into each other's eyes, complimenting each other, and sharing a prolonged hug. They end by telling each other "I love you." In another video where the guys make DIY Valentine's Day projects, Eugene describes Ned as a good role model who inspires people to have "good core values" and spreads good in the world by being "insufferably sweet."

I will admit it is mildly heartbreaking to watch these videos now, knowing how he destroyed not only his marriage, but his relationships with all of his best friends, the company they built together, and his entire image. But I do feel like we can still appreciate the pure friendship and brotherly love between him and the other guys as we look back on old videos. Just as I sometimes look back on old memories with former friends or romantic interests and view them fondly, even though they are people I feel betrayed by or never want to associate with again. I might shake my head and reflect on what a shame it is that it came to an end, but I don't have to let it ruin good memories -- or good videos.

Now, Ned's image was never perfect by any means. He was the one who also had a reputation for being an overgrown "frat boy," which is one reason many people have cited when saying they're not surprised by this turn of events. Admittedly, Ned could be a bit wild in some of their videos. There were definitely two sides to his personality. There were many videos where the highly competitive "Full Throttle Fulmer" came out, as well as a few showing what a sloppy, unhinged drunk he could be when he'd had too much, like in the Drunk vs. High math video and Easter egg hunt. Even Ned himself, while sober, commented on what a "train wreck" he was while drunk in those videos.

But he also wore knitted sweaters, drank pumpkin spice lattes, loved spreadsheets, offered very genuine support and uplifting friendship to the other Try Guys, and cared for his family. He put forth a feminist image, spoke out against homophobia and transphobia, and really seemed dedicated to the Try Guys' overall goal of combating toxic masculinity. So even in spite of his "frat boy" side, he still seemed like one of the few straight white guys out there (also including Keith and Zach) who were generally unproblematic. His testosterone-fueled reckless side didn't bother me as long as he wasn't hurting anyone.

That duality was actually the thing I always loved about Ned, even though I always considered him my least-favorite. That both of those sides of him could exist at the same time and didn't necessarily have to be contradictory; the Florida Man side of him that 'loves bad ideas' didn't cancel out the side of him that was wholesome and a dedicated family man. Or so I thought anyway. I love those juxtapositions in people. People who destroy stereotypes and prove that it's possible to look or act a certain way, but also have good values and care about the people in your life. It's extremely disappointing to find out that the reckless side took control and decided his values weren't that important after all.

Additionally, having any kind of scandal in the Try Guys camp at all is a disappointment because it has been previously been so untarnished. Despite frequent sex jokes, constant foul language, and occasional substance use on camera, The Try Guys has always been an incredibly wholesome place on the internet. Especially in the face of national and global issues like racism, police brutality, misogyny, homophobia, the COVID-19 pandemic, and everything else, their channel was one place that many of us turned to when we needed a laugh and some kind of reassurance that not everything was terrible. A place that helped restore our faith in humanity.

The four men have always seemed so unproblematic until now -- and I want to make it clear I still view the remaining three in that way. They have always displayed strong values and stood up for what's right. Their entire company is a diverse, feminist, anti-racist, pro-LGBTQIA group that cares about the environment, advocates for human rights, and as far as we can tell, believes in ethical relationships. Any employee who didn't share all these values just wouldn't be a good fit for them, and it became clear last month that Ned himself was no longer a good fit, which is heartbreaking not only to us as fans, but to an entire group of tight-knit friends who have now learned their friend isn't who they thought he was.

It really does suck for those of us who viewed the Try Guys channel as an escape from drama and negative emotions. For many, it feels as though the one safe space we had no longer exists. I am trying not to let myself feel this way, which is why I've been rewatching those old videos and appreciating those cute moments, so my brain doesn't forever associate the channel with this scandal.

On the bright side, their two-part video that ushered in the new era, in which they audition for a broadway musical and then one of them performs on broadway for a night, is an absolute delight and some of the best work they've ever done according to many. Despite the sad knowledge that these videos were filmed during the same business trip where Ned and Alexandria were caught cheating on their respective significant others in New York, the editors did such a great job making it look like Ned was never there to begin with, and the videos came out wonderfully. The remaining Try Guys are going to be just fine.

Even the recent videos featuring Ned, such as the last one he was in right before this all happened -- where he, Eugene and two of the "Try Friends" try high-diving for the first time -- and the recent Without Instructions video where they make wedding dresses are really great videos in my opinion (yes, even in spite of Ned's love of weddings, romance, and his wife being mentioned yet again, which is a bit laughable now considering how recently this video was filmed). It's okay to appreciate the content for being good content, while at the same time being glad he won't be in the content going forward.

Somebody in a Try Guys thread (perhaps on Reddit) asked what everyone's "comfort" video was, the one they would re-watch when they were feeling down or just needed something wholesome to watch. I have two. The first one that came to mind was the video where they each find out what their Harry Potter patronus is. The pure joy and excitement from the three other men at Eugene's result makes me so happy; Eugene shedding tears because he got the result he wanted and the other three being so genuinely excited for him is such a great moment of friendship and true happiness. But after thinking about it, I came back to edit this paragraph because I had to add one more. One that, the first time I saw it, I immediately watched for a second time as soon as it ended because it made me feel so good. The most wholesome and adorable "prank" to ever be played: when Keith and Becky surprised Becky's mom by making her dream of riding a Zamboni come true (Keith Pranks His Mother-in-Law). Seriously. Watch it. It warmed my cold, dead heart.

The two Harry Potter-themed videos they released that week in 2020 were fundraisers for The Trevor Project as a way of denouncing J.K. Rowling's transphobia, which I think is the only acceptable way to create Harry Potter content at this point.

And just as some Harry Potter fans still love the world created by Rowling despite no longer wanting to give their money to her, The Try Guys' friendships and humor from previous years can still be wholesome and enjoyable to watch, even in spite of the fact that things have changed since those videos came out. I think it's okay if we still find joy in watching those videos. (More so than in anything HP-related considering the royalties are not going to a piece of transphobic trash.)

And we can still be proud of the other three men who made the right decision to part ways with Ned under these circumstances, rather than standing by their friend and letting it tarnish their own good values. They could have found a way to brush this all under the rug, but they decided to make sure he faced consequences for his actions -- something many white, cis-het men never have to do -- and they practiced everything they preach by cutting ties with him. Eugene, Zach and Keith remain positive role models, who did exactly what we always say men should do, and held their fellow man accountable.

tags: try guys, ned fulmer, youtube, relationships