Let's Stop Leaving Intersex People Out of the Conversation
June 14, 2022
Disclaimer: I originally wrote this in March 2021, and during an attempt to look for actual intersex people willing to skim it for accuracy and approval, I came across a few people who said I shouldn't be writing about a community I'm not a part of -- though the opinions did seem to be split among actual intersex people, and many of those who were against me were not part of that community themselves. I understand where they were coming from, and the "nothing about us without us" sentiment, which is why I abandoned the idea of posting this for so long. But I'm not sure it's something I 100% agree with when someone is trying to bring awareness in the best way they can.
I still believe this is an important thing to be said, so I'm going to say it. Obviously, an actual intersex individual's opinion is more important than my own when it comes to anything involving them; but this article is for every other member of the LGBTQIA+ community, as well as people who are not members of the community at all. This is about why we, all non-intersex people, need to stop ignoring them and excluding them from our conversations regarding gender and sex.
As a member of a few different minority groups myself, I personally appreciate it when members of other communities stand up for us, and I think it's an important part of being an ally. I love to see allos defending asexuality as valid, men supporting feminism, Christians including and standing up for Muslims, etc. That's why I wrote this, and if it offends anyone, I'll live with the consequences, because this is something I feel strongly about and want to speak to my fellow non-intersex folks about. I'm not expecting a pat on the back for talking about it, but I view it as part of our responsibility as members of privileged groups to bring more awareness to marginalized groups.
As part of my Pride Month writing this year -- and also inspired by a Twitter thread a friend shared recently -- I decided to resurrect and publish.
In the acronym LGBTQIA, it's the last two letters that are most frequently left out, or even considered to not be a part of the community at all. As someone who falls into the 'A' category, but more importantly, as someone who wants to be an ally to all communities who are marginalized or left out, I wish there was more discussion surrounding the 'I' category: intersex people.
The intersex and transgender communities are not the same, but they are intertwined; and people who invalidate one will invalidate the other. So while intersex people are not necessarily trans -- one deals with physical sex and one deals with gender -- they face similar types of discrimination, "othering" and even possible hate crimes and violence.
To put it one way, I view intersex as more or less the physical or 'biological sex' equivalent of non-binary or genderfluid. Both serve as proof that not everything is binary as so many like to think.
Intersex people are those who were born with physical traits of both male and female sexes, whether inside or out. For instance, outer genitalia (penis, vulva), internal reproductive organs (testes, ovaries, uterus), and chromosomes. There is a large variety of combinations and each person is different, but all intersex people have at least some elements of both binary sexes, with some very rare cases even having both sets of external genitalia. I was acquainted with someone through my last job who met this criteria. They told me during one of our conversations exactly how rare they were considered to be, and while I can't remember the percentage now, it was a very, very small one.
From a purely 'biological' standpoint, these people are neither male nor female.
Like gender, and honestly most other things, biological sex is actually a spectrum. And while most people are on one end or the other, you can fall anywhere on the spectrum. The Intersex Society of North America said: "Nature doesn't decide where the category of 'male' ends and the category of 'intersex' begins, or where the category of 'intersex' ends and the category of 'female' begins. Humans decide."
We all know there's a lot of anti-transgender sentiment out there, and one thing that a lot of these people fall back on is that your biological sex also determines your gender. Yet, for some reason, these same people will also insist that there are only two genders. Last year, shortly before I began writing on this topic, Marjorie Taylor Greene posted a sign with those words outside of her office in Congress, across the hall from another Congresswoman who has a transgender daughter. (The daughter is trans, but not non-binary, so the sign doesn't even apply to her... but that's another separate issue.)
Below those words, the sign also said, "Trust the science!"
But the science disproves that. The existence of intersex people disproves that, even if you somehow don't believe the existence of non-binary people disproves it. Intersex people are not inherently trans, but they are a transphobe's worst nightmare. Their very scientific, very physical proof of who they are is harder evidence to ignore, which is exactly why transphobes refuse to talk about them.
Another issue that's been a hot topic for a while, and that inspired me to dig up this post and resurrect it after a friend shared this Twitter thread, is transgender athletes. The thread linked above included some details of the invasive examinations female athletes may have to undergo if they needed to "prove" that they are "female" under a new law in Ohio. From the thread: A doctor will need to spread open your labia and examine the size of your clitoris. A clitoris that is "too large" could be a sign that you are intersex and not female enough for sports.
Notice how it says a large clitoris could be a sign that you're intersex and not female. And yet, the same people making these laws are the ones who claim that there are only two genders -- and that gender is determined by sex. By their logic, intersex people wouldn't even exist, because there would only be only two sexes. But when it fits their anti-trans agenda, suddenly it isn't as simple as being male or female anymore. They can't even make up their minds how many sexes they think there are.
If we are going to be so committed to the idea that genitals or even chromosomes determine gender, then we should be equally committed to the idea that there are more than two genders, because by that definition, intersex people are neither of those two. Why would there be only two genders when there are more than two sexes? If our sex did always determine our gender, as some people say it does, then intersex people would automatically be non-binary.
Not all intersex people are non-binary, of course, in the same way that not everyone else's body matches their identity. The two can be intersectional, but it isn't a default. Those who are intersex, but have a male or female gender identity, deserve recognition too.
Issues that specifically affect the intersex community are something I don't have first-hand experience in, but as an ally, I'd like to see them talked about more often and to see more awareness and acceptance toward this part of our community.
For instance, although many intersex people "blend in," or in other words, appear male or female in public, they shouldn't have to blend in in order to be respected. Like trans people, intersex people shouldn't have to "pass" as one sex/gender or another, or be expected to hide the parts of themselves that make others uncomfortable. We, as a society, should instead learn to be more comfortable and more accepting (and learn to mind our own business better). They deserve the freedom to be themselves and not hide anything. Not all intersex people are androgynous, or present as anything other than entirely masculine or feminine, but those who do shouldn't be forced to make themselves more physically "presentable" to a society that holds such discriminative norms. The norms should instead be changed.
In addition to those who have ambiguous outward genitalia, there are intersex people who appear to be entirely "normal" on the outside, meaning that their outward bodies appear entirely female or entirely male. But their inner reproductive systems are different.
While writing this article, I naturally read some articles written by intersex people and watched videos of intersex people talking about their diverse experiences. Some of those included:
A woman whose body appeared entirely female, but at the age of 6, she had to undergo surgery for a hernia, and the doctors discovered she had testes instead of ovaries, and no uterus.
A person whose current gender identity wasn't made 100% clear, but who said that, in retrospect, they think they would have preferred a female identity when they were growing up. However, their body appeared entirely male as a kid, puberty was a confusing experience that involved a brief period of breast growth, and menstrual cramps but no periods. Eventually at age 24, during an MRI, they discovered they had a closed-off vagina inside.
Another woman who lived in Russia and underwent a surgery at age 15 without even knowing what was being done to her. Because she was 15, the law in Russia allowed the doctors to discuss her surgery or condition only with her father, who never told her the truth. She thought the surgery was supposed to fix whatever was "wrong" with her that prevented her from menstruating, but only discovered she was intersex after watching a video that talked about other people having similar surgeries. After putting two and two together, she (now an adult) decided to get her medical records and her hunch was correct.
So there are many different ways to be intersex. It's even possible that someone's outer and inner reproductive system can be entirely one sex or the other, but their chromosomes don't match! And since most of us just assume our chromosomes rather than actually knowing them, it's possible to not know you're intersex at all. As a matter of fact, there are probably a lot of people walking around right now who have no idea they're intersex. You or someone you love could be intersex and not know it! So before you decide to be insensitive and disrespectful towards people whose gender identity doesn't match their sex, consider that there's a possibility you could be one of them yourself.
Coincidentally, when I was in the middle of (originally) writing this article last year, one of my friends shared this public post on Facebook, which was written by a biologist and has a ton of complicated but fascinating information about chromosomes. I recommend reading it.
That posts asks, "Have you ever seen YOUR chromosomes?" For most of us, the answer to that will be no.
Unfortunately, babies who are born with ambiguous genitalia or components of both male and female outer genitalia will often undergo "corrective" surgery and hormones, with doctors and parents deciding what gender they are going to be raised as. This is a problematic practice for multiple reasons.
Ironically, many of the people who choose surgery and hormones for their kid at such a young age might be the same people who would scoff at the idea of a young trans person coming out because they "aren't old enough" to know who they are yet, which I see as proof that it's more about conforming to societal norms than anything else.
Not only are these surgeries medically unnecessary and quite possibly dangerous, but because they are performed on children who are too young to even speak or understand what's going on, they can lead to problems later in life too.
Although not all transgender people are intersex, and gender isn't always determined by physical characteristics, those who are born with physical characteristics of both sexes might experience gender dysphoria because of surgeries performed as a young child. Sometimes the parents might get lucky and choose the right gender for their kid, and they will grow up feeling relatively normal (though the surgeries can still lead to infertility that wouldn't have existed otherwise, and other complications). Other times, they'll choose the wrong one, and the victim of the surgery will then have even more complications when they grow up and begin to feel that their body doesn't match their gender.
For instance, if an intersex baby was assigned female, operated on to look like a female, and raised as a female... they might turn out to identify as male. The same thing can happen to any "biological female," of course. But when the child was intersex to begin with, then the surgery caused way more harm than good. And if the surgery was 'successful' enough, if their parents never told them they were born intersex, that person might never even know the reason for their dysphoria.
Intersex people can have any gender. Having traits of both sexes doesn't necessarily mean they will identify as non-binary, though they certainly can. They can develop into women or into men, as well. But that's going to happen naturally; no surgery is going to change who they are inside. If later on in life, they decide they want to have surgery, that should be an option for them just as it should be an option for trans people. But the surgery they decide to get as adults might be the exact opposite of the one their parents would have forced on them. And if they decide not to get surgery, but to embrace their bodies the way they were born naturally, that's also beautiful. As long as there is no medical reason to need surgery, there should be no pressure to have an operation.
Most intersex people have no medical conditions as a result of being intersex, and live perfectly healthy lives.
All intersex people are beautiful and valid the way they are. They know themselves and are capable of making their own decisions.
But many of them already feel lonely and isolated in this world because of how rare and different they seem from everyone else. Let's work toward making society a more accepting place and educating ourselves and others so that intersex people can feel more free to be themselves without being discriminated against or feeling alone. It's our responsibility to support and uplift our intersex friends and neighbors until our society becomes more accepting.
tags: pride month, lgbtqia+, intersex, trans, non-binary
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