Halloween Is Not My Favorite Holiday Anymore

January 2, 2022

There are many holidays on our national calendar, some big and some smaller. While most Americans probably observe the majority of the larger ones (if not all of them), I celebrate only a very select few.

Most people have one holiday that stands out as their primary holiday and biggest celebration of the year. For the majority of Americans, that would probably have to be Christmas. For Jewish people, Hanukkah. In my own religion (generally speaking), it's Eid; and for those of other religions or cultures, it could be Diwali, Kwanzaa, or something else entirely.

For a lot of goths, it's Halloween. There are even people who put up Halloween trees, do year-long countdowns to the date, and basically treat it like their Christmas. And I'm not necessarily talking about Pagan goths who have a spiritual connection to Samhain, but secular goths who simply love the spooky holiday. As a goth-adjacent person, there's a natural assumption that Halloween is my favorite holiday, too; and until recently, that assumption would have been true. In fact, those who've known me a long time are well aware of my love for Halloween, which dates back to childhood.

(In case you are worried, I'm going to inject this quick spoiler alert: this is not an article about how I became religious and decided Halloween was evil, so get that idea out of your head right now.)

As a kid, I loved the holidays in general. I would celebrate pretty much all of them, and growing up in a Christian household, Christmas was definitely my primary holiday until I began disliking it as a teenager. But Halloween always had a special place in my heart. I discovered my love of spiders and other creepy things pretty young. My mom and I were huge fans of watching paranormal TV shows, as well as certain spooky movies, so the uptick in Halloween-themed programming on TV was always something I looked forward to. We always enjoyed making creative homemade costumes together and putting out Halloween decorations, including my non-disposable electric jack-o-lantern, which I still have more than twenty years later. So the Halloween season has always been exciting to me.

When I became a teenager and started dressing a bit more goth, Halloween took on a new meaning, and until recently, had been my favorite holiday ever since. I've never really worn a Halloween costume as an adult, but enjoyed being able to dress however I wanted without being judged the same way I would any other day. Since I was about 13, I pretty much gave up on dressing as anything in particular, and would just dress as gothic as I could on Halloween. It began to feel a bit like a celebration of misfits, with everyone else wearing costumes to blend in with us for once, instead of the other way around. Additionally, when I reached adulthood, I began finding most of my home decor and many accessories to my wardrobe around Halloween time. There's nothing more thrilling than looking at the Halloween section in the stores and falling in love with a piece of gothic jewelry or a spooky candelabra you want to display in your home year-round. For goths and goth-adjacent folks, Halloween is the absolute best time of year to buy new accessories and home decor anywhere outside of the internet.

But Halloween has become a little less meaningful to me over the years. Maybe the accessibility of gothic fashion online, as well as caring less and less what people think about my wardrobe as I get older, is partially what makes it a less special time to me now. Maybe I am just better at being myself all year, and so this one day is less important.

In recent years, and this past year in particular, I've also found myself a bit annoyed by how trendy Halloween has become. At the risk of sounding like one of those people who just hate things because they're popular (which is actually not true), the sheer volume of basic preppy girls who are suddenly obsessed with "spooky season" has gotten a little out of hand. There's nothing wrong with things I enjoy gaining popularity -- and I support everyone's right to enjoy them as I do -- but it does remove some of the personal relevance for me when I see it being fetishized by the preppiest of the preppy. Seeing so many blondes in earth-tone sweaters and slouchy suede boots obsess over it kind of ruins the illusion of Halloween being a celebration of misfits.

And to be honest, goths can be a bit insufferable when it comes to Halloween, too. Almost to the same extent as the people who start playing Christmas music on November 1.

Additionally, it's been a rough few years, and due to work stress, the pandemic, and financial concerns, I haven't really celebrated Halloween at all for the past several years. I'd like to get back to celebrating it someday, and I'd love to have a good Halloween shopping session and get some new things for my apartment and wardrobe -- maybe this coming year will be the one -- but I think there's some damage that's been done from going so long without it. I've begun to realize that, while it's a fun holiday for me to enjoy, I can do without it when I have to. It's more of a bonus than a guarantee.

I will always enjoy and continue to observe Halloween, and it will probably always have its place in my life as a day of fun and intrigue, a day to dress up and celebrate the spooky. And I do love the spooky. Halloween will definitely remain one of the few national holidays I still celebrate, but after the past few years, there's no way I could consider it my primary celebration. Honestly, Halloween isn't really "serious" enough to be my major holiday anyway. While I'm not saying I've outgrown it, I do feel like I've reached an age where my opinions have just started to mature. These days, I'm more interested in holidays being meaningful rather than fun.

Were I Pagan, Wiccan, or even Celtic, I'm sure its origin holiday, Samhain, would have a deeper meaning for me. Or perhaps I would hate Halloween for turning it into a goofier, more secular holiday and erasing the spiritual aspects almost entirely. I don't belong to any of those groups, so it's impossible to tell. I'm intrigued by the observation of Samhain and what it commemorates, but it's not really my place to ever actually observe it on a personal basis. As a lover of the paranormal, I respect that it is traditionally considered the day when the veil between the spirit world and the living is at its thinnest, allowing the dead to enter our realm more easily; and I'm in total support of a holiday that pays respects to the dead, so I think Samhain is a great tradition, just not one that's meant for me. Although I am always down to have a ghost hunt or spend the night in a haunted hotel on this night as a sort of secular way of observing.

In regards to other holidays, I already mentioned that I don't like Christmas. There are multiple reasons I don't celebrate it: it's too commercial, I'm annoyed by how much of the year is taken up by it (Christmas decorations in the stores in September?), I don't have much in the way of family to spend it with, and to top it off, I'm not Christian. If I were with family or friends who were celebrating, I wouldn't protest or be uncomfortable, but on my own I just see no reason to celebrate it at all, other than pretty lights and yummy food, which are pretty superficial reasons. The most I'll do on Christmas is order Chinese food and watch a horror movie.

Thanksgiving isn't a holiday I feel very positively about in general, and again, it's more about food than anything else. If someone invites me over for a Thanksgiving meal or the cafeteria at work is serving free food to employees, I will partake, but I'm not going to go out of my way to celebrate. There's nothing wrong with being thankful, but the false narrative of the relationship between the pilgrims and the indigenous rubs me the wrong way.

I would love to celebrate Hanukkah with a Jewish family someday if they were willing to adopt me into their circle and teach me their ways, but as I'm not Jewish myself, I can't and wouldn't want to celebrate it alone.

I'm a huge fan of professional fireworks displays, but I'm not patriotic enough to celebrate the Fourth of July for any other reason. Easter is out of the question, Valentine's Day has never interested me, and all those other holidays they stick on a Monday for the sole purpose of having a three-day weekend are meaningless when you work in a healthcare facility.

So aside from Halloween, what other holidays do I celebrate?

Well, there is of course my birthday, which is the best day of the year but obviously not a national holiday (although it totally should be). I love birthdays.

There's Ramadan and Eid al-Fitr, the Muslim holiday that comes after the fasting month of Ramadan. This has been referred to as Muslim Christmas. There are special prayers, everyone dresses up, exchanges gifts, and has feasts to celebrate the end of fasting. It's very special and exciting, and I love celebrating it... although for a convert who has no Muslim family and very few Muslim friends, it can be lonely. I don't get to feel connected to my family or community during this time, but instead celebrate alone as I watch all the big families and friend groups have their parties. Now, if you know me, you know I love my alone time, and don't easily feel lonely. But at a time when other Muslims are celebrating like it's their Christmas, it really makes it stand out that I have no one around to celebrate with. So even though I love Eid al-Fitr, I don't consider it my primary holiday. (And to the admonishment of other Muslims, I don't celebrate the second holiday in our repertoire, Eid al-Adha. I just don't feel a connection to that one.)

And then, there's the reason I chose this particular time of year to write on this topic... my actual favorite holiday: New Year's Eve.

While the Halloween season is more fun for me than the holiday season at the end of the year (since it is mostly focused on Christmas), December 31 surpasses October 31 as my favorite holiday and primary celebration of the year.

Many people might also consider New Year's Eve to be nothing more than a "fun" holiday, just like Halloween. I've heard people complain that it's just a drinking and partying holiday, so maybe it's surprising that it's my favorite considering I don't drink or "party." Other people seem to think it's a completely useless and unnecessary holiday, that the year changing doesn't mean anything because "it's all the same." Personally, I think those people must live really boring lives if they're not at least a little bit convinced that the changing of the year is a magical time. You guys need to romanticize your lives a little more.

As someone who romanticizes her life a lot, I absolutely adore New Year's Eve. It's the symbolism. Having a fresh start. Everything being brand-new. It's a time for reflection, for looking back and looking forward, for making goals and manifesting the things you want to have in the coming year. It's a time to appreciate the relationships and people who have enriched our lives over the past year, listen to the music that brought us joy, and celebrate the new discoveries we've made. Additionally, there is something about the old year being gone forever, but ushering in a new year to take its place, that is so special. It's a reminder that time is fleeting and we must enjoy the moment. It brings a tear to my eye. It's, like I said, magical.

There's a legend that says whatever you're doing at midnight when the year changes, you'll be doing it all year. That's why it's important to usher in the new year in an appropriate way. I want to feel relaxed and joyful at midnight so that those are the vibes I set for the year.

Another reason I like the holiday is that it has no restrictions on who can celebrate it. There are very few holidays that literally anyone can celebrate. Aside from the religious reasons someone might not celebrate a holiday, there are other days somebody may wish they could celebrate, but the circumstances of their life don't really allow it; for instance, Valentine's Day when you're single, or Mother's Day or Father's Day when you don't have a good relationship with your parent.

While some could argue that the entire calendar is based on Christianity, New Year's is a totally secular holiday, one that unites us all because anyone can celebrate it. Even those who celebrate a different type of new year, such as the Chinese New Year or Rosh Hashanah, can celebrate the Gregorian New Year on top of it, because January 1 is always going to be January 1. Regardless of what you believe, where in the world you live, or anything else, the passing of time is one thing we all have in common.

Also, because it's so close to Christmas, it gives me a sense of celebrating "the holidays" even though I don't celebrate the Christian holiday. So when people say "Happy holidays," it does include me too. (Sorry not sorry, Republicans.) And Christians, Jews, those observing Kwanzaa, and anyone else who has a holiday around this time -- including me -- are united in the fact that we are all celebrating something around the end of the year.

This year, I even put up a tree for the first time in my adult life. Because a lot of positive changes are occurring right now, I have things to look forward to, and am actually feeling optimistic, I really wanted to celebrate the new year as I go into 2022. One way I did that was putting up what I call a "New Year's tree." It's basically a Christmas tree, but that isn't what it's celebrating. It's all black and a little bit of silver and is very elegant and gothic. A secular tree celebrating a fresh start.

Someone I recently met who shares my favorite holiday told me that the idea of everyone in the world celebrating the same thing on the same day is one thing that has always excited her. When she was a kid, she said, she didn't understand that different areas of the world had different time zones, and assumed that everyone was celebrating at the exact same time. Now, even though we do understand time zones and realize that it isn't the entire world, it can still be exciting that everyone in your region is celebrating together.

After all, what other day do people specifically stay up until midnight to usher in? That alone makes it special. I will never not be up at midnight to welcome a new year. I haven't missed one since I was a kid, and no matter how old I get, I'll always make sure to be awake when the clock strikes twelve.

And while I work overnight, I do everything in my power to avoid working on New Year's Eve so I can be home to celebrate; this year it was my scheduled holiday, but I traded with someone, working her scheduled Thanksgiving so I could have my holiday off. Luckily, it's usually fairly easy to find someone willing to trade that night for their Christmas or Thanksgiving.

But despite my excitement over New Year's Eve, I usually tend to spend it at home. As I said earlier, my goal is to feel relaxed and joyful on this night. Especially at midnight. If I do go out earlier in the evening, I'd usually prefer to be home by midnight, wearing comfy clothes, feeling relaxed, dancing to my favorite bands, and drinking sparkling cider in the comfort of my home rather than being around drunk people or anything stressful.

And while I have nothing against the traditional "Auld Lang Syne," I typically would rather listen to my custom New Year's Eve songs. My tradition began in, I think, 2011-ish, when I decided that the Falconer song Skula Skorpa Skalk would be a good song to be my own version of Auld Lang Syne that night. This was based entirely on the song and the fact that I had recently gotten into Falconer, and had nothing to do with the lyrics; but the following year, I decided to go for one that I thought was a better fit lyrically and also had a sound that felt inspirational and joyful to me: Brich aus (German for "Break Out") by Oomph! While it might technically be about a dying person, I love the chorus and thought it was suitable to the moment. And hey, maybe the dying person is actually a metaphor for the outgoing year. That song remained my midnight tradition until last year (but is still played near midnight, either as the last song of the ending year or the second song of the new one).

As you may remember from the blog entry I wrote at that time, I chose Brother Firetribe's "I Salute You" as the song to welcome 2021, because not only was it released during 2020, but the lyrics of the song really seemed to be perfect for the end of such a, shall we say, unique year. I kept this song again for the beginning of 2022 because this is supposed to be the year I finally see Brother Firetribe live, which is one of the things I'm most looking forward to. Truthfully, it will probably be the traditional midnight song for years to come, because the lyrics and musical vibe are both perfect.

I would like to someday make it to Times Square just to witness the spectacle and take part in something I always watched on TV as a kid, the quintessential New Year's celebration; but aside from a huge celebration like that, I generally find it more pleasant to just be at home with my bottle of sparking cider and my playlists. But honestly, whatever I choose to do, I'm going to enjoy the magic of the moment when the clock strikes twelve and everything becomes brand-new again.

This time around, I spent the first 25 minutes of the year standing in my front door, which I had decided to open to see if there were any fireworks visible from my front balcony. Not only could I see fireworks, but I could see multiple fireworks displays from where I stood, with one of them being much closer than I had expected. I'm so glad the apartment complex next to me is only two stories, because I could see everything right over their rooftop -- just as I can see our amazing Arizona sunsets in the evening since my front door faces west. It was beautiful, and whenever a really loud one went off, I couldn't help but cheer and scream. There was amazing music coming from inside my kitchen, and I stood there with a glass of cider, virtually spending time with great people, occasionally dancing in the doorway, and I had the dumbest smile on my face the whole time.

I am so excited for 2022, although at the same time I am skeptical. I have some amazing plans, but every plan I make is followed up by "If it actually happens" or "As long as COVID doesn't shut everything down again." I know that everything is still a bit up in the air as far as that's concerned, despite having a vaccine for an entire year now. (New Year's Eve was actually the day I got my first dose last year, so here's to a year of being at least partially vaxxed!) I'm making sure to keep a healthy amount of skepticism to not be let down too badly if the unvaccinated ruin things to extreme proportions.

But aside from that, I really do think good things are coming my way this year -- and I hope they are coming your way too.

Happy New Year!

tags: new year's, nye, 2022, holidays