Why This Win Might Not Feel Like a Win

November 6, 2020

As I write this, Joe Biden is on course to win the presidency and finally get our aspiring dictator out of office. Of course there's still time for things to go wrong; but three days after election night, with the majority of the votes counted, it looks like a strong possibility of a Biden win. Which, considering the alternative, is of course what we wanted.

But despite that, this election doesn't feel like that much of a victory, does it?

It isn't just because Joe Biden wasn't the candidate we wanted, although for many of us, that is also the case. It isn't just because the Senate is likely to still be in Republican hands, or because of the last-minute addition to the Supreme Court that took place while the election was already happening.

Let's be real about this: the potential upcoming "win" might not feel like a true win because we have been shown exactly what this country is made up of, and it isn't pleasant.

After four years of seeing what a Trump presidency is actually like, this election "should" have been a landslide victory for Biden. There should have been no question. We knew that Trump's cult memb-- sorry, his loyal supporters would vote for him again, but the numbers should have never reached what they did, right?

What happened to all those people who voted for him in 2016 and later said they regretted it and wanted to change their vote? What happened to all the Republicans who said they were going to put country over party and vote against him? Apparently, they were either lying because they were too embarrassed to publicly voice their support for him, or their numbers weren't great enough to make a difference, because almost 50% of U.S. voters still voted for him. In fact, more people voted for him this year than four years ago.

The saddest part is that most of us aren't even surprised. We might wish we were surprised, but when we look inside ourselves, haven't we already known?

Personally, I hoped against all odds that decency would prevail and that Biden would win in such a large number it couldn't be contested, not just for the sake of actually winning the election, but also to prove that maybe this country isn't as racist and misogynistic as I thought it was. But deep down, I knew it would be an extremely close race. I told several people prior to Election Day that I honestly had no idea how things were going to turn out, even saying that people in both corners were getting a little too cocky, and everyone insisting their candidate was going to win was essentially just the trash talk before a boxing match because the election literally could have gone either way.

So far, everything is going more or less as I predicted, with Biden having a slight lead, and Trump freaking out about election fraud. The only thing I wasn't able to predict was the actual, final outcome. I won't feel confident in that until all of this is over, maybe not even until inauguration day.

But even though it isn't unexpected, the fact that this race is too close to call in several states -- or that it's close at all -- is still bumming me out.

The truth is it hurts to know that basically half of our entire nation is not only willing but also eager to vote for the things Trump represents. Aside from the constant lying, the refusal to commit to a peaceful transfer of power, the sexual assault, the bullying and childish name-calling, the absolute idiocy that comes out of his mouth at every turn (windmill cancer, anyone?) and the fact that we're the laughing stock of the entire world for electing him... the only real reason left to still support him is that you simply like how hateful he is. Either because you find it "entertaining" or because you agree with him.

Even if you don't blatantly agree with him, his hateful positions on people of color, immigrants, Muslims, LGBT+ folks, etc. aren't enough to discourage you, which makes you just as bad as if you were blatantly bigoted. There is more than one way to be a racist. Some people are racist and proud of it. Others think they aren't racist, but by accepting racism in others, they have chosen the side of racism.

At this point, though, I think most of his supporters are the blatantly-racist kind.

Either way, it's impossible to look at how close this presidential race is, and not be disappointed in the state of our nation. Even though Biden will probably be declared winner in the end since he is so close to getting the amount of electoral votes he needs -- and if he is, we can finally breathe a sigh of relief, maybe some of us will even celebrate -- the fact that almost 50% of Americans voted for the alternative is a sad, sad look into how deep the racism and misogyny run through the United States.

People like to say that the good people outnumber the bad, and maybe they do by a small margin. A lot of us were hoping that this election would show us the margin was actually larger than we thought. Instead, the opposite happened, and now we can never go back to believing that. People of color, and other groups who've faced hatred head-on, have known for a long time. Others are just now realizing it, or have been in denial; but it's time to face the facts. This is the nation we live in, and it isn't going to change. (You should still keep fighting to change it anyway though.)

In a Twitter post I shared, Reza Aslan said, "We need to stop saying nonsense like 'This isn't who we are!' This is who we are."

Reza is right. Although it might hurt to admit it, this is exactly who we are and who we've always been. Maybe it isn't who we want to be, at least half of us. Maybe that half is trying like hell to progress beyond it, to do something about it, to unite and bring our country into the twenty-first century instead of devolving and undoing what progress has been made.

But the other half... they not only know who they are, but they're proud of it.

However, I am not trying to discourage you. If Biden is declared the victor, the win will still be a win, even if it is a small one. It's still one step closer to where we need to be, and an improvement over the past four years. We will have made history by electing the first female vice-president (and a woman of color to boot). Although it isn't perfect and we might not feel like celebrating, we can at least be happy we didn't sink even further. We will still keep protesting and holding the administration accountable. It seems the country is pretty firmly divided in half, but we'll make sure our half doesn't give up or stop fighting.

tags: politics, elections, election day 2020